Prater Unser: Heretics, Hellfire and Heavy Bass

Fags die, god laughs. Thank god for dead fags. Beware of the fags.

Those were only three of the posters, on neon backgrounds, that spewed hate and prejudice against homosexuals. When I first noticed them I just was, like, what the fuck. Seriously. They were about as eyecatching as a bloody metal hook.

Of course I reckoned it would be some kind of extreme ironic artsy project, but I do think in this case, the project failed. What should have happened was that the first spectators tear the posters down and burn them in the courtyard - but in this aspect, the pratersauna crowd failed miserably.

At it's side, also adorning the entrance and requesting reverence like some crazy fucked up gessler hat was the image of a guy without pants, stroking his erect penis. But the people generally didn't seem to mind. The image of a priest and a nun handing out the true flesh, blood and flyer of Prater Unser wasn't that unusual in that context, and the partygoers remained unperturbed.

This is one of those moments when it really comes in handy (ha, pun) that this blog is adult only. Otherwise I couldn't continue to write much more.

The main visual feature of the evening, which continued non-stop until late morning, was a giant projection of the hardcore-porno "Josephine Mutzenbacher". As dicks pounded pussys and eager mouths gobbled up meaty bavarian sausages to the rythm of the progressive house and electro from the floors, the crowd went wild well until the break of dawn. The hardcore sex attracted about as much attention as a lava lamp at a hippy jam festival - only about one in ten actually gave the screen the occasional look.

Take this literally: Even at seven, when they finally decided to close the sauna, both floors were still active, half-full and the terrace was well occupied.

I was once more mostly present as my Alter Ego, Prater David, Bringer of the Holiest of Holy Flyers, the only edible promotional article to ever come with blas-tastic and sacridelicous varieties. The role of crazed reverend is truly one of my favourites: I strode up and forth among the unbelievers, heathen and heretics and preached the words of the one and only Prater Unser, the only true electronic festival in Vienna.

Our two locations are: The fluc, the pratersauna and the praterdrome. No, our three locations are: The fluc, the pratersauna, the praterdome and the planetarium. Our four.. Okay, I'll come in again.

In a sonore voice I chanted the holy syllables, handed out the holy cookies and kept the very holy and beautiful Sister Anna from being ravished by the drunk barbarian hordes. Indeed, I used English so much that evening that I'm writing this article in that language now: Otherwise, most of the guests wouldn't be able to read it.

Two lovely loony fairies from the plemplem collective tried to enchant us with mystical earth spells (they had wands and everything), but even though they wished me straight to hell (our edible flyers were more popular) we managed to defend our holy faith of universal Praterism.

So me and Sister Anna fed the poor and starving crowd (about 100 - 150 people) in front of the sauna, waiting for hours on end to get in. We were offered a shitload of bribes if we could only get them in sooner. At three, however, the place was full and the line was gone. We continued our sacred procession indoors for a bit, but then soon continued to the more festive part of the evening.

The crowd was a bit edgier than last time. We had a few more Christian fundamentalists and general promotion boycottees. Some didn't even bother to watch my crazy antics as I chanted and gestured like the pope himself.

The sound on both floors was marvellous, and the people were dancing like it's the age of the apocalypse. The bass was heavy, and the lines were straight, dirty and full of funk - one couldn't help but shaking one's booty to that beat.

To whomever decided to keep the terrace open until 7: I salute you. That must have been the best idea humanity has come up with, right up there with the weel and fire. Thank you for a wonderful night and morning, Pratersauna. Prater Unser, Brothers and Sisters, Prater Unser.

Pie Jesu Domine, Dona Eis Requiem.

- rAmen,
Prater David

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